Good bye old-self.

I'm just human, were born to die (singin' Rita Ora's song). You don't know what I've been through. They always said I'm stronger because I can fix up all my problems. They consider my smile today is the way to show I'm totally happy with my life. Wow amazing. But the truth, I am powerless. Smile is the way to hide a thousand of stories behind. Family and friends around me totally make me forgot anything happened. Allah also constantly by side to guide me to the true way. Malaikat constantly by side to wrote up what I had done. I never tell everyone what is my problem. I never tell everyone what I've kept for a long time. Quite.

Since I was lost someone, I kept thinking of what had Allah given. Allah gave me a boy who will stick for temporary only. Then He took someone who I loved far away than me. I tried to chasing, but I found failure. Allah really wanted to test myself. Then Allah put myself in the middle of hardship life to busying myself to forgot what happened. Then He asked to found where is I should going. After two years, I've figure out. I am totally at somewhere which the venue is where myself was. I went out with nobody to found out what had Allah given two years ago. Allah took him because He had written who is the best than him. 

"Family is priority" I know right. But they never understand me somehow. They always combined myself with others. Totally pissed me off. I was trying harder to show at them I can go like others but isn't enough. Sometimes I'm cursing of living at this world but when someone said "We were alive to collecting all pahala and to be thankful person for what had given" so I finally shut up. I love them no matter how I've hurt them and the way they tried to pissed me off.

Who is my real bestfriend? I don't know who is but I know one of billions person is totally my bestfriend. I couldn't find them because they are away. Sigh. But a friends around me now is totally make me happier. Although I've missed two friends in my life, I still can breath but not too barely. One day, the true friend would come to me and she/he will stick with me. Yes, I'm gotta wait for it (:

Nur Mariessa. My new niece was born two month ago. I love you.